As we near the closing of the year, my hope is that you are gearing up for your most successful year in 2019!  Success in life is no accident, it is a choice.  My definition of success will vary from your definition of success - the key here is to have a definition!  These 7 fundamentals can be expanded many times over but my intent is to keep it simple.

Emotional Intelligence - This term essentially defines our ability to put ourselves in the other person's shoes.  We can better demonstrate empathy when we see from the perspective of the people we interact with everyday.  I believe this to be the one of the most important qualities we can develop.  Daniel Goleman coined the phrase and his books offer critical insight to developing this characteristic of successful people.  Every day we interact with people - being able to connect with those people emotionally will help you lead a more satisfying life and you will have more...

Are you addicted to problems?  Seriously, are you addicted to problems?  I ask twice because it is important to actually consider the question.  The majority of people are not honest with themselves regarding questions that are inconsistent with how they desire to perceive themselves.  I've said it often, but it is most important to be honest with oneself.  You might ask “How will I know if I am addicted to problems?”  The first clue is that your life is full of them and if the quantity of problems begins to dip, you manifest more of them.  “How do I manifest problems and why would I?”  The house needs cleaning, laundry is piling up, yard needs mowing, late for work, kids are sick, garage needs cleaning, someone cut you off, spilled coffee on your new suit, dog threw up everywhere, low on groceries, PTA is tonight, coffee maker is broken, kid needs braces, kid needs glasses, kid needs to be two places at once, need a...

Are you who you think you are?  On the surface, the answer seems obvious.  If you have not taken the time to contemplate the answer to this question with a pen and paper, there is potential that you are living someone else’s life.  The majority of people see themselves through the eyes of others.  The image we have of ourselves is that of our spouse, friends, parents, and coworkers.  We are always projecting an image to the world in an effort to get the world to see us in a certain way.  This creates conflict and stress that too often goes unnoticed and manifests itself in the form of mental illness and disease, or just unhappiness.  Our image to the world has been a creation of our ego.  The ego is vulnerable and childish.  It always seeks its way and gets angry when anything externally contradicts or conflicts with its image.  Tiger Woods is an example of someone projecting an image that was in conflict with their...

What is success?  Is it an amount of money?  Is it a title?  “What is success” is not a new question.  Intuitively, we know that success is an individual pursuit.  Unfortunately, too often we contemplate our success through the eyes of others.  We pursue a vision that we don’t own.  If we realize the vision, the feelings we anticipated upon arrival are shallow and short-lived.  Now what?

I recently broke out my journal and asked the question, what is the most common train or characteristic of some of the most admired “successful people”?  Think Warren Buffet, Mother Teresa, Michael Phelps, Oprah Winfrey, Steve Jobs, or Richard Branson.  All of these admired success stories had different starts.  Their success came in different ways.

My thought then transitioned to the people I most admired in my own life.  The not-so-famous success stories that command the same level of respect...

As I sit in a bustling Starbucks at 42^nd and 9^th in NYC, I consider a world on the go.  The strive to survive is observed daily on the streets here.  NYC is a city on the go.  Are you on the go?  From this event to that event until collapse just to do it all over again the next day?  Survival requires us to be on the go.  On the go is life, it is progress and pursuit, it is exhilarating and draining, it is inspiring and depressing, it is heaven and hell, it might be you and it is definitely me.

On the go can be intentional or random.  The choice lies within each of us in our pursuit of more.  It is almost always more…right?  More money, more power, more love, more friends, more houses, more cars, more rest, more exercise, more food, more hope, more control, more of what others have that we don’t currently possess.  This is to be human.  More of something keeps us on the go.

On the go is the way it is...

Sandy was a mess.  She was struggling at work and in the relationships that mattered most in her life.  It felt as though her world was unraveling right before her eyes.  Several months earlier, her husband announced he was leaving her after 15 years of marriage and two children.  This event alone shook her confidence.  Then, her company downsized her position without notice.  Thankfully, the three months of severance helped offset expenses but the three months had come and gone with Sandy still out of work.  She was scared, angry, and hurt.  Her confidence in herself was wrecked.  Each morning, she would drag herself out of bed to help her kids prep for school and then stare at the walls wondering what the hell she was going to do.

If Sandy was your friend, what would you recommend she do to get her mojo back?  Would you say “Sandy, stop feeling sorry for yourself and moping around all day”?  Would you...

How was your meal?  Well, it was a bit salty and lacked this or that.  Did you see what she was wearing?  What are they thinking in buying that house?  I could continue these statements for the next six pages.  You know why?  Because I am a judgement machine and I would venture to say so are you!  The majority of our thoughts go something like this: “Do I like it, or don’t I like it?”  You are doing it right now as you read this article.  “Should I keep reading or should I move on?”

What should we judge and what should we avoid judging?  This article contains some guidelines for ensuring that we are not judging for the sake of choice.  There are two types of judging, so let’s break them down.

Critical judgement is about making ourselves feel better.  It is snarky and arrogant but mainly used as a defense mechanism to support our EGO.  We might also call this social...

Purpose in life helps to bring value and meaning to all that we do.  It is the compass that determines our heading in rough or troubled times.  When it hits the fan we can look to our Purpose to help guide our responses…And it will hit the fan!  Here is a strategy to help determine your Purpose:

Step 1: Forgive Yourself – Too often in life we carry our burdens with us from one stage to the next.  We allow them to accumulate as though these burdens are a badge of honor or battle scars that we must display.  This is selfish and irresponsible.  It prevents us from experiencing joy and happiness.  Starting today – forgive yourself for your past mistakes and forgive others that have not been genuine in their dealings with you. Carrying around that burden wastes your energy and holds you back...let it go!

Step 2:  Give Thanks  - As citizens of this great Nation, we have so much to be thankful for.  One key...

There seem to be four rules of life that are immutable and here they are:

Rule #1 – Responsibility is on us. Too often our society looks to blame others for its plight. It is this person’s fault or that organizations fault. When it comes to our lives, after a certain age it is up to us. It is up to us to develop the skills and master the disciplines necessary to achieve our goals and aspirations. If you aren’t where you want to be in life, don’t blame anyone or anything other than yourself. Accepting responsibility is the first step to progress toward your goals if you have not made reasonable progress to date. Our lives are our responsibility.

Rule #2 – We won’t get out of this life alive. The clock begins to tick for us the day we were conceived and our expiration is inevitable. Too often we live as though we will live forever and put off pursuit of something meaningful to us. Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr. said, “Many people die with their...

I messed up. When I was a junior in high school, I crashed my mom’s car. The worst part was that I lied about the cause. My excuse was that I was reaching into the back seat to grab a brush. This was the ‘80’s, so I had to tame the mullet! The truth was that I was attempting to get a cigarette out of the pack and lit. this is not a story my 16-year-old self wanted to tell my parents, so I lied. That same year, my parents went away on a trip over a weekend, so I had a party. We had a keg of beer and lots of people. The screen door was broken, my shower wall was kicked in (don’t ask), and the cover on my stepfather’s cherished red Trans Am was ripped. You guessed it, I had great stories for each incident. What about that time a friend was attempting to cook lamb, but it was taking forever, so I left. That relationship was never the same. There was another time when the twins were little that I got so angry I took their toy golf club and broke it over my...