Sandy was a mess.  She was struggling at work and in the relationships that mattered most in her life.  It felt as though her world was unraveling right before her eyes.  Several months earlier, her husband announced he was leaving her after 15 years of marriage and two children.  This event alone shook her confidence.  Then, her company downsized her position without notice.  Thankfully, the three months of severance helped offset expenses but the three months had come and gone with Sandy still out of work.  She was scared, angry, and hurt.  Her confidence in herself was wrecked.  Each morning, she would drag herself out of bed to help her kids prep for school and then stare at the walls wondering what the hell she was going to do.

If Sandy was your friend, what would you recommend she do to get her mojo back?  Would you say “Sandy, stop feeling sorry for yourself and moping around all day”?  Would you...

Opportunities and activities abound.  Everyone is ready to occupy our time with this or that.  In my studies of success and high performers, a common thread has emerged.  Learning to say “no” is a significant contribution to their long-term success.  Saying no is difficult.  We naturally desire to please others or take advantage of what appears to be an amazing opportunity that could further our career or grow our business.  Opportunities come at us left and right, so how do we choose?  Why should we say “yes” to this opportunity, and “no” to that activity?  Is there a strategy that can help us say no with confidence that we are making the right decision?  I have developed a strategy that has become helpful to me and I hope it is helpful to you.

Step #1 –

Have a list of goals and priorities accompanied with a list of non-negotiable core values.  When we have a clear vision of...

How was your meal?  Well, it was a bit salty and lacked this or that.  Did you see what she was wearing?  What are they thinking in buying that house?  I could continue these statements for the next six pages.  You know why?  Because I am a judgement machine and I would venture to say so are you!  The majority of our thoughts go something like this: “Do I like it, or don’t I like it?”  You are doing it right now as you read this article.  “Should I keep reading or should I move on?”

What should we judge and what should we avoid judging?  This article contains some guidelines for ensuring that we are not judging for the sake of choice.  There are two types of judging, so let’s break them down.

Critical judgement is about making ourselves feel better.  It is snarky and arrogant but mainly used as a defense mechanism to support our EGO.  We might also call this social...

Have you ever been sick and wanted nothing more than to feel like you did before you were sick? Have you lost someone close to you and in the midst of grieving, felt sorrow so deeply you wondered if you would ever feel normal again? What about the time you failed so miserably you swore you would never try again?

Life lived is like a roller coaster. We go up and we go down but that is the thrill of the ride. The majority of pain is temporary, but our fear of pain is permanent. Our fear of pain traps us on the hamster wheel of life. We don’t take the opportunity to get on the roller coaster because the easy path is the hamster wheel.

All things are temporary. Your current situation will change, but you must act to accelerate the change. You must act in your own self-interest to avoid being trapped in a life you didn’t design. I am not suggesting you disregard others in your action but acting in your own self-interest is making a plan and taking action. Here...

My father battled depression for many years.  This drug, that drug, this therapy, and that therapy.  He struggled as his enthusiasm toward life became non-existent.  He was excited about nothing.  The medication seemed to flat line his emotions.  We would be planning a fishing trip and he would be apathetic.  Fishing is a for him, but not while medicated.  Eventually, he was off the meds but still having ups and downs.  Then something remarkable happened.  His hobby of making pen holders out of mesquite wood blossomed into a service.  He began to give pen holders that he had made to service men and women.  First, it was one here and one there.  Over time, it has grown to hundreds each month.  He goes to the VA each week to express his gratitude to our veterans and present them with a pen holder.  He began to serve others.  His transition from depression to gratitude has resulted in relief from the depression...

Humans are social creatures.  We crave companionship and belonging.  Friendship is part of the human experience and can be one of the most rewarding aspects of life.  Have you ever thought about the best strategy for cultivating meaningful friendships?  I have spent the majority of my career learning about people.  This study has primarily focused on understanding what motivates people and how we most effectively connect.  It occurred to me that there should be a set of guidelines for establishing and maintaining meaningful friendships.  My hope is that this list helps you build deeper and more meaningful friendships or at least inspires you to ponder what is important for you.

1. Be a good listener. The most interesting people we meet are often those that ask questions and listen.  They encourage others to speak, and then they listen.  Most of us wait to respond without actually listening to the other person.  Listening is a...

Do you want to be excellent?  Do you choose to be average?  The difference between excellence and average is surprisingly small. You can close the gap by being more intentional in just a couple of areas in your life.  The first area is mindset.  We choose average because it is the path of least resistance and largely what has been demonstrated by the major influencers in our life.  To be excellent, you will need to realize it is a choice and not an accident.  A person does not wake up excellent.  Instead, they make a choice to be excellent and act accordingly.  After you have chosen excellence, it is important to define excellence.  Ask yourself, “What is excellence?” and write down the answer.  This definition is going to be a point of reference for you in your pursuit of excellence.  It has to be your definition.  To recap – we made up our own mind to be excellent and defined what excellence is...

What do you think about?  Do you think negatively or positively?  Most people never think.  Do you know why?  Thinking is the most difficult activity one can undertake.  If you don’t believe me, try it.  Just sit for 30 minutes and think about your life.  It is likely that within just a few minutes of thinking, you will be reaching for your phone or turning on the TV or finding something that can distract you.  There are very few people in the world today that actually think.  It is an intentional act that requires significant discipline.  If you can master it, your life will never be the same.  The level of satisfaction with your life will go through the roof.  Nothing can have a more profound impact in your life than thinking.  This is not a new discovery.  Jesus Christ introduced us to intentional mental retreats and the Buddha taught us meditation.  These men understood the power and benefits of...

There are only two types of people in this world.  The first type of people believes in a better future, positive outcome, the potential, finding a way, and hope.  The second type of people are full of doubt, negativity, frustration, blame, anger, and general gloom.  That is it, two types.  Which are you?  In my experience, most pessimists are absolutely clueless about their gloomy outlook.  They fancy themselves as realists.  After all, you can’t just go around fooling yourself into thinking everything is sunshine and rainbows.  These are the folks that make a snarky comment about everything and justify it as just joking when challenged, or maybe they say “Hey, keeping it real.”  They look at the beautiful sunset but can only see the power lines partially obstructing the view.  They can’t help themselves.  If there is an opportunity to cut someone or a situation down, they go for it.  They use their...

Is enjoying a good meal a moment of pleasure or a joyful experience? My belief is that it can be either or, depending on the mindset of the person having the meal. If it is an experience of pleasure, there is no lasting satisfaction. Pleasure is an external stimulus that is not infinitely sustainable because overstimulation leads to death.  Drugs are an example of an unsustainable external stimulus. The addict experienced pleasure and wanted more. They begin to seek only pleasure at the expense of all else in their life. This is how many of us live our lives - seeking external stimuli for pleasure. That new house, new car, new job, more money, etc.  We distract ourselves with entertainment like Netflix or shopping on Amazon. Too often we use pleasure to distract from real and sustainable joy in life. Pleasure triggers the release of dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter released by the brain when we experience pleasure. It is a motivation for us to do more of whatever...